JAMES' CLAIM TO FAME

I don't care! After the Presidential re-elections and after seeing African Americans winning awards at the Oscars, why can't we have an African American James Bond??! 

STEALTH IS HEALTH

Maybe if I don't make any sudden moves, I won't startle her and she'll just go away!

IF LOOKS COULD KILL

My wife thought she'd save time by putting on her make up in the car.
Unfortunately, I had to drive over a lot of potholes! 

POLI-TICKLY INCORRECT

I understand that foreign cartoonist's joke hurt their religious sentiments...
but why are they destroying their own countrymen's property in protest?!

POTABLE IS NOTABLE

Illiterate buffoons! I got such a nice fountain built for their village and they ask me for drinking water!!

TRYST WITH THE UNDERBELLY

Ha Ha Ha Ha!! That tickles!

SPAM JAM

Ok, I can get that the Government allows only 5 outgoing sms'/day to prevent communal violence. Now who is going to prevent all those useless incoming promotional sms' to prevent me from getting violent??