THE DREAD MILL

CLIENT - Oh wow, I must be really running well. I've just burnt 149 Calories in one minute!!

PERSONAL TRAINER - I'm sorry sir, but you've been looking at your Heart Rate monitor...

MIND AND BODY TEASER

WIFE - You know, even if I was half as thin as she is, I would be so much happier...

HUSBAND - So in other words, are you saying that you WANT to be twice her size??

THE GORE-MENT

FRIEND - Wow! Are you working on the plot for your next murder mystery novel? It looks really intense. I bet it will be best-seller like all the others!
AUTHOR - NO! I'm trying to link my confounded Aadhaar card with all my other documents!

ESCA-HATER

LADY THINKING - These high heels were the best thing I bought. I feel so stylish, fierce and confident in them!

Stupid shoes! I never should have wasted my money on them!!

LET THE GAME BEGIN

HERMIT - Welcome to the mountain summit and my hermitage, my son. Are you here to discover the true meaning of life?

FAN - No, your Grace. I just want to be far away from any Game of Thrones spoilers and this seemed like the perfect spot!

DEVEL-UPS AND DOWNS

SNAIL WIFE - You know dear, I've been wanting to remodel the house. Especially after seeing those ads.
SNAIL FRIEND - What did your wife want, bro??
WARP - Plastic surgery.

CLEAR AS MUD

Vegetables contain dye or pesticides, fruits contain growth hormones, mangoes contain carbides, rice contains plastic, bread contains bromates, milk contains soap and processed foods contain preservatives.
So I just let my toddler eat plain old mud. That seems to be the only unadulterated and chemical free thing these days!