GETTING HIGH

Wow...skyscrapers sure seem to be the need of the hour, dont they?

HARP ON WARP

But I'm not "perpetually taken aback", I am 'shell'-shocked !

SO,LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... INTRODUCING FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME,OFFICIALLY ON P-TAPS - WARP, THE SNAIL.

AFTER EXPERIENCING THE SUCCESS OF 2 PREVIOUS SNAIL GAGS, I HAVE DECIDED TO INCORPORATE A CHARACTER WITH A NAME AND IDENTITY. A GAG FEATURING WARP SHALL APPEAR IN THE FIRST WEEK OF EVERY MONTH ON THIS BLOG. THE REASON I CHOSE SOMETHING AS OBSCURE AS A SNAIL WAS BECAUSE I FOUND THE CREATURE EXTREMELY ENGAGING. THE SEEMINGLY BENIGN MOLLUSC MAY BE SLOW, 'SLUG-GISH' EVEN, BUT IT SURE CAN PROVIDE ENOUGH FODDER FOR A LIGHT-HEARTED TAKE ON LIFE'S MUNDANITIES.

WHY HAVE I CHOSEN A NAME LIKE WARP ? FOR THE SIMPLE REASON THAT THE WORD IMPLIES TWO THINGS, ONE IN A SATIRICAL WAY AND THE OTHER IN A LITERAL SENSE. WARP REFERS TO SPEED (OR THE LACK OF IT IN THIS CASE) AND WARP ALSO MEANS 'TWISTED OR COILED'.

SO HERE'S TO A SOUND CAMEO BY WARP ON P-TAPS, WHO WILL NOW SHARE SPACE WITH THE QUINTESSENTIAL "PERPETUALLY TAKEN ABACK PERSON".

LIKE A SURGEON

Uhhh... I need to go to the bathroom!!

POP-IRONY

No surprises...considering all that Iron-rich spinach he's been consuming!!

BOTTOM HEAVY

So?! Even your hips would be this wide if you have more than a billion children!!

SPOUSE GROUSE

NAGGING HUMAN WIFE - Remember, you can run, but you cant hide!!
NAGGING SNAIL WIFE - Remember, you can hide, but you cant run!!

MOUNTAIN PEE-U

Hang on... Here is the Mountain Dew! Now where did the urine sample go then??