DARE TO IMPROVISE

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR - Sir, we've run out of fake blood for the action sequence. Should we just wrap up and call it a day?

DIRECTOR - No, production costs are too high. Just ask my driver to spit his paan juice at the required spots and get done with.

FRAUD GOD

SECURITY GUARD - I'm sorry, no fans allowed in the Durga pandal. That superstar celebrity has asked for complete privacy to pray in peace!

DEVOTEE - My dear fellow, I am not here for that 'demi-god'. I'm here for the actual God.

APP JAISA KOI

So I randomly tried the Snapchat gender swap filter on Ranveer Singh and Lady Gaga. I'm not sure if the app is working because it just turned them into each other!

THIS TASTEFUL

CUSTOMER - This dish has a very unusual taste. What do you call it?

WAITER - It's Umami, sir.

CUSTOMER - Look man, if you don't know then just say so. No need to insult my mother!

ADDICT-IONARY

TEACHER - Can you please run down to the staff room and bring my dictionary. I need to refer to it for the spelling test.

STUDENT - Ma'am, why don't you use the spell check in your smart phone instead? The staff room is quite far away.

WHOA-MEN'S DAY

And to conclude, here's wishing all you pretty ladies a very Happy Women's Day!

That's not fair! With all this talk of equality and empowerment, don't you think you should be wishing the ugly ones too ??

CELE-ABRATIONS

How time flies! Priyanka and Nick are already celebrating their first wedding anniversary...

Oh, I'm afraid not. That celebration would be yet another one of their wedding receptions.