SAVE THE DATE

WIFE - I don't care for all these silly celebrations - Mother's Day, WOMEN'S DAY etc. To me, every day should be special and enjoyed equally!

HUSBAND - And yet, you made me sleep on the couch when I forgot our wedding anniversary...

 

SKIP THE BUMP

 FRIEND - Hi. what's up?

Why are you giving me a fist bump?? Take my temperature, you fool!

MULTI-TASKING GODDESS

FATHER - Kids, listen to this beautiful quote - God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.

MOTHER - There, you see?? Even God cannot do everything at once. And you people expect me to cook, clean, do the laundry, iron and listen to your woes all at the same time!!

CUR-FEW CUR-MANY

ON A REGULAR DAY -
FRIEND 1 - Hey bro, come and look at that beautiful sunset outside.

FRIEND 2 - Not now man. Let me finish posting my updates on Facebook,Twitter and Instagram.

ON THE JANATA CURFEW DAY -

I wonder how much the grass has grown since last night... I hope we have enough milk and tomatoes in the refrigerator... I wonder if that pothole has gotten deeper on the main road... Why are all the birds chirping so loudly in the trees....

OUTBREAK BREAK OUT

THIEF - Quick, let us get out of here before someone sees us!

MOTHER - Look at those responsible citizens wearing masks during this Corona Virus outbreak!

BEHIND EVERY MASK

HA HA HA! Look at them!

ONION ZINDABAD - II

WAITER - Sir, would you like me to pack the rest of the Chef'a special biryani to take back home?

CUSTOMER - Forget the biryani. Just pack all these onion slices that you served on the side. I'll take those back home. 

ONION ZINDABAD - I

Hello?? Is this the Income Tax department? Yes, I'd like to report my affluent neighbour. I've been observing large bags of onions being delivered to their house frequently and find it very suspicious!

APP JAISA KOI

So I randomly tried the Snapchat gender swap filter on Ranveer Singh and Lady Gaga. I'm not sure if the app is working because it just turned them into each other!

WHOA-MEN'S DAY

And to conclude, here's wishing all you pretty ladies a very Happy Women's Day!

That's not fair! With all this talk of equality and empowerment, don't you think you should be wishing the ugly ones too ??

LAZE PHASE

What?? Today is National Energy Conservation Day !

ESCA-HATER

LADY THINKING - These high heels were the best thing I bought. I feel so stylish, fierce and confident in them!

Stupid shoes! I never should have wasted my money on them!!

LET THE GAME BEGIN

HERMIT - Welcome to the mountain summit and my hermitage, my son. Are you here to discover the true meaning of life?

FAN - No, your Grace. I just want to be far away from any Game of Thrones spoilers and this seemed like the perfect spot!

CLEAR AS MUD

Vegetables contain dye or pesticides, fruits contain growth hormones, mangoes contain carbides, rice contains plastic, bread contains bromates, milk contains soap and processed foods contain preservatives.
So I just let my toddler eat plain old mud. That seems to be the only unadulterated and chemical free thing these days!

PORN SHORN

Yes, yes, I'm no doubt relieved that there's no danger of my adolescent son accessing porn on the internet thanks to the ban.
However, I now need to worry about keeping him away from the newspapers as they are full of porn-related articles!

RIDDLE ME SOME OF THIS

Sigh. I know I should be rescuing those people by solving this riddle.
Yet, all I can think of right now is how much that Question Mark resembles an upside down Kim Kardashian!

'CLEAN' CAUSE

Here, rub this soap on your body before you do that Ice Bucket thing. This will be closest I will ever come to seeing you having a bath or even getting clean!

BANGING HEADS

That's called 'Headbanging'. When they do it to heavy metal music, its considered COOL. However, when I do it to their terrible report cards, its considered MELODRAMATIC. 

HIGHLY MILEY

Wow, that creature must catch a lot of flies. Her tongue's always sticking out!

ROMPER WHOMPER

Now here's one wardrobe malfunction that will hopefully not make news in the tabloids tomorrow!